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Dec 03, 2005

Catholic Church decides that afterlife rules will change · by Rafi Kam

With poverty and war now a thing of the past, high-ranking members of the Catholic Church have had the time to take a hard look at their stance on the afterlife and frankly they don’t like what they’ve found. To many a pontiff’s surprise, the Church still pushes for the existence of a middle-tier afterlife of sorts, a neither here nor there known as Limbo.

Limbo (as it exists today) is a place for the souls of those who never really did anything wrong and therefore shouldn’t burn in hell but also never did anything that warrants a spot in heaven (like being baptized). Souls in Limbo are “on the edge of happiness, suspended between delight and pain, feeling neither.” Sounds like nearly everybody I know.

Limbo-ites
Come home Limbo souls. All is forgiven. We have free wireless.

The Church now implicitly acknowledges that this is a bunch of hooey and so it plans to abolish Limbo shortly. That’s right, the Church acknowledges that this Limbo thing they’ve been pushing for the better part of a millennium is something that will no longer exist simply because they’ve decided that now. An alleged state of afterlife will cease to be because some men have decided that it doesn’t make a lot of sense after all, or its not in their best marketing interests. One of the two.

Among souls celebrating today are babies who died before they could be baptized and prophets of the Old Testament.

Comments for "Catholic Church decides that afterlife rules will change"

  1. The church is on some crazy space shit that don’t make no sense.
    — Prodigy    Dec 3, 11:53 PM   
  2. Fuck that bullshit!! That just increased my chances of going to hell by 16.5%!!!
    — Willie B    Dec 7, 05:10 PM   
  3. I have a question. Since it’s no longer a sin to eat meat on Fridays, are there still guys in hell on Meat Raps. “I’m doing eterinty down here cuase I ate a piece of turkey, I thought it was Saturday!”
    — notes from underground    Dec 7, 05:35 PM   
  4. Well you can change a fictional story

    The land of make-believe
    — Panamagreen    Dec 7, 11:58 PM   

  5. the church saying it doesnt exist doesn’t mean it doesn’t, if it does exist


    — ALAIN    Dec 23, 12:40 PM