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Keystrokes and Kangols · by Fletch
I’ve posted on message boards ever since I got a 56k modem and a sense of entitlement. In that time, I’ve seen the best and the worst of the so-called Internet Hip-Hop head. Blogs to forums, DC to VBulletin, high post counts, low post counts, the right click has seemingly replaced the boom bap. While there’s a positive side to this type of practice, too often it seems like the Internet message board has become the Bermuda Triangle of common sense. And although some of what goes down on the grounds of Al Gore’s bastard child is mirrored by how people act in real reality, online the hate is accelerated, the snap judgments come quicker, and the pile a pile higher. In honor, I present the following list.
10 Tips for the Internet Hip-Hop Head
1. Your opinion doesn’t instantly matter. With inflation and the rise of the Euro, 2 cents just aren’t what they used to be. Don’t think hating makes you stand out or that copping pleas for garbage tracks earns you gold stars. Undervalue your opinion. Be slower to react and backspace often. Your mom was wrong, you aren’t that special. Post less, think more.
2. Nostalgia is a symptom of amnesia. Music wasn’t better when you were a kid, you were just a kid who hadn’t learned to hate yet. Remember, Common made I Used To Love H.E.R. in ‘94. The same year that saw Illmatic, Ready To Die, Organized Konfusion’s Stress, Southernplayalistic, etc., dude was doing the “Hip-Hop Is Dead” chant that people probably have been shouting ever since Sylvia Robinson borrowed a Chic break. What’s more, heads always wanna diss today because they’re looking at yesterday through rosy-colored contacts. So even if you wanna pine for those Rawkus times, just make sure you take your Shabaam Sadeeq too.
3. Anybody that confuses music with a blood oath is silly. Your favorite rapper is not your girlfriend. If he does some stuff you don’t like, life sucks, get a new hero. Call it wack if it’s wack, but letting a 12” spoil your day is overly emotional. Man up, move on, there’s always the remix.
4. Women aren’t the end-all. Arguing that MC Short Bus’ new single knocks in the club and gets the girl’s dancing doesn’t justify a bad song. All it does is tell me you gotta get on girls thanks to a couple drinks and a tired hook. Roger Ebert doesn’t see a Julia Roberts movie and say, “it sucks, but the hoes really got crazy at the matinee.” Dope is dope, club level or headphones, true, but you don’t have to be pussy-whipped, even if it is on beat.
5. Status ain’t HD. If you have a myspace page, a youtube account, a series of webcam pics, and a screen name, don’t pretend to be the Metatron of the hood. Just because your cousin’s partner did a 2-4 bid back in the late 80’s, don’t act like the final word on “the streets.” The “f” in F1 stands for “frontin’.” Anyway, street cred got done up in a shootout with marketing a long time ago, so who are you really impressing?
6. Rap music is not a game of Clue, i.e., someone doesn’t always have to have murdered someone else. When there are two rappers on a track and both MC’s come off, hit repeat and let it ride. Save that overly-simplistic, rush-to-judgment “XX killed ZZ” tactic for the kids. What’s more, all things cannot be summed up with a “greater than” (>) or “less than” (<) symbol. Hip-Hop’s not a math equation, dunny.
7. An album that came out last week is not a classic. An album that leaked five hours ago isn’t an all-time great. Online, people are too ready to freeze new releases in carbonite. Just let ‘em breathe and soak the music in. (The league of Hip-Hop criticism needs a working definition of “classic” anyhow.) Moreover, while we’re on the subject of watching words, relying on “overrated” to express a point is a sign of more than merely poor vocabulary. If you have to frame your opinion in relationship to what the next man said, say something else.
8. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it’s good, and just because it’s not different doesn’t mean that it’s bad. If Ghost is still doing coke raps by the time the world comes and goes through a half dozen other drug epidemics, as long as he pulls it off, let it play. If Andre 3000 does a scat duet with the robot from Lost In Space, and it doesn’t sound good, don’t make excuses. Don’t pigeon-hole the genre to be one sound, but, at the same, don’t forget how dope that sound can be.
9. Chances are you are not paid to be an A&R or in a position where you own your own label. Simply because you have access to Soundscan numbers and can count all the way to platinum, you are not the world’s foremost expert on the record business. So unless you can come with a detailed PowerPoint, bullet points, bar graphs, and pie charts, you saying suchandusch should go in thisandthat direction is a dead end.
10. Don’t be mad that you didn’t get everything you wanted. Your favorite rapper didn’t triple-lutz and calculate pi at the same time, suck it up. If you expect Jesus and only get James, son of Zebedee, be cool. See, the average Internet Hip-Hop Head is cut between two extremes. On one hand, they think the genre’s never been worse, on the other hand, they’re positive MC Blessing is gonna put out the next classic that saves the day. In such a situation, you’re ignoring the quality that’s out there already, while also setting your expectations up so high that failure is the only promise. There’s good and bad music being made, but sometimes you gotta look harder or look away faster. But that’s really the overwhelming strength of moving around online for music: it’s literally a click away. You just have to put the work in.
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If Guest Blogger #5 Fletch was any more on Nas’s nuts he’d be Jay-Z. He tells you all about what – er – Nas is like… at his blog Rebel to America.
For a related piece on Internet hip-hop kultcha, check out Oh Word’s Famous Netcees to Look Out For in ‘06
Comments for "Keystrokes and Kangols"
I co-sign this whole post
— Hashim Jul 13, 06:18 PM
“Your favorite rapper is not your girlfriend. If he does some stuff you don’t like, life sucks, get a new hero.”
Hoo-Ha!
— Robbie Jul 13, 07:07 PM
Why don’t I know Rebel To America?
Won’t sleep on him again.
— Billy Sunday Jul 14, 11:15 AM