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Top 10 things Crackers need to quit · by Sach O
Return of the Letterman shit.
From A Tribe Called Quest to Mos Def, rappers have debated the pros and cons of using the word nigga in pop culture for years. White people haven’t been quite so chatty or inventive about their semi-equivalent pejorative however, meekly preferring to avoid the issue altogether. I guess it’s because of the inherent difficulty of flipping cracker into anything less than an insult: despite having the word crack in it, it just sounds like a diss. I’m not on that positive shit however (strictly hardcore) and see no problem accepting the word for what it is: an insult against dumb ass white people. I think members of all races can agree that there’s a fair amount of those and they absolutely need to quit the following.
1. Ignoring progressive black art in favor of disposable product (Music rant 1/2)
If you have a blog/website/radioshow/soapbox and you regularly review extremely arty records by white people; please explain to me how you manage to ignore every viable work of Black made art and relegate your Hiphop and R&B coverage to a singles showcase of lowest common denominator music. It’s not as if you’re reviewing all black cultural output so people can make the comparison, you’re consciously choosing dumb Hiphop shit to complement your indie rock jones. Then on occasion some rapper will drop an album that’s got a hipster audience which you’ll give a 7/10 and bring up whenever someone tries calls your bluff. You don’t see The Source ironically reviewing Panic at the Disco or Fall Out Boy to show off how great (read: terrible) mainstream rock is, but crackers think they can get away with solely promoting the lowest of the low without anyone accusing them of cultural sabotage.
2. Dropping Bombs on other People
Ever since they stole the secret of gunpowder from the Chinese, Europeans and Americans have constantly bombed the shit out of other peoples’ land. From cannon-fire to last month’s ethering of Lebanon this has got to cease like the sound of the police. Protest, picket, march and demonstrate but do something to tell your leaders that this shit ain’t cool anymore.
3. Sniffing coke
Everybody loves drugs (some people just love them too much), but don’t you guys think the yayo thing is played? Seriously, your parents were doing it in the 80’s and it resulted in hip huggers, poofy hair and Michael Bolton. Obviously this drug is the sole cause of terrible music and fashion, rap pre-97 notwithstanding. I’m not telling you to go back to weed or e pills (90’s comeback is a few years away) but feel free to experiment with some new shit. I heard Ketamine makes for pretty good techno and there’s at a few mescaline producing cacti groing around which are perfectly legal to hold.
4. Faux-Hawks.
Last year’s ironic mullet definitely overstayed its welcome. You look like a dork and anyone with a lick of sense automatically wants to kick you in the testicles the minute they see you arriving looking like an extra out of some Arctic Monkeys viral marketting experiment gone wrong. I know it’s frustrating but at some point you’re going to have to come to terms with what your hair can and can’t do. Everyone makes mistakes (Jerry Curls, pompadours) but considering other races call what you’ve got good hair, it may be time to make like the Beatles and Let it Be. In fact, stop playing with your damn hair entirely and stop…
5. Acting like a bunch of sissies.
The amount of pussies out there (not to be confused with actual pussy) is reaching critical mass: soon there won’t be enough bullies to steal all of the lunch money from the wimpy emo losers shuffling around the schoolyard (bullies too busy bombing foreign country). Sure cowboys, pirates, rock stars and assorted other icons turned Halloween costumes consisted mostly of racist fucks, but at least they some sort of backbone and could drink and drug themselves into a stupor, turn morbidly obese and die spectacular deaths without pausing to reflect on their feelings. Incidentally, Bol noted that this problem crosses racial lines.
Trying to push wack white pop over rap beats as anything less than cultural assimilation (Music rant 2/2)
Just because you live in a gentrified multi-cultural artistic Mecca, drink frappe lattés, have several friends of different races (which you always promptly point out to anyone in a 3 block radius) and can dance on beat; it doesn’t nullify your potential for promoting a racist agenda. Terrible, bland, white-washed recreations of black trends from 20 years past regurgitated by privileged crackers aren’t artistic steps forward: they’re phase one in a plan to hatch Elvis-2k10 and by even acknowledging that bullshit you’re no better than your parents and grand-parents. I’d blame you for Ciara, Rhiana, Danity Kane, Cassie and the rest of the R&B charts as well, but honestly that blunder’s not on you. Brownie points if you kill that noise though.
7. Acting like it ain’t your ancestors’ fault
You may very well be mad at illegal aliens, but perhaps the entire nation of Mexico wouldn’t want to move on your land had you not driven their country into extreme poverty over the past couple of hundred years. As the children of the oppressor, it’s your job to fix everything your folks have done wrong and that may include substantial adjustments vis-à-vis who gets the money and the land. It kind of sucks but it’s hard to feel bad for anyone who had a posh suburban childhood while the entire rest of the world was going to shit. Word to (your) mother.
8. Holding open doors for healthy young people and grimacing when they don’t sprint up to catch it
A personal pet peeve of R.H.S that I definitely agree with, this convoluted display of politeness turned sour is your own damn fault in the first place. Whether I just smoked a blunt or am accompanying the elderly, if I want to shuffle into your building at my own pace I’m going to do just that and I’m not going to let your attempt at social grace stop me. If you don’t want to wait, let the damn door go because I’m perfectly capable of opening it myself on my own time. I have no intention of starting a 2 yard dash solely to accommodate your social niceties.
9. Wearing extra medium clothing (if you’re a man)
Sure the XXXL sagging look shocked the hell out of you 10 years ago, but there’s no sense hiding in the t-shirt you wore when you were five while trying to pass it off as ironic. Sadly this trend even infiltrated Hiphop but I think it’s only fair that we lay blame on the originators. If Fred Durst’s Yankee Cap and size infinite jeans were Hiphop’s fault, the rock crowd gets the gasface for this one.
10. Any use of the word bruh
Everyone likes “dude”. From stoners to Jay-Z, anyone can use it and the word is so totally bereft of meaning that it transcended any negative connotations originally associated with it (surfers, cowboys). But despite the protests of any Boston area frat boys reading the site (all 3 of you), the word bruh is on some male Paris Hilton shit. Either extend that shit to brother in a weird Hulk Hogan-Farrakhan mash up or innovate some new slang.
Comments for "Top 10 things Crackers need to quit"
Some interesting viewpoints. However, some too generalized.
if you take “7. Acting like it ain’t your ancestors’ fault” for example
theres a lot of immigrants in this country, me being one of them. My “people” had nothing to do with what americans did in this country in the 16th, 17th 18th and 19th century.
Going further, if you say its a peoples responsibility to make up for what “their folks” did wrong, doesnt that mean modern black america has a responsibility to do the same for its “own fuck ups”, including misogynistic music and music that glorifies gangsterism, drug dealing and killing?
cmon man
— DJ Mad Wax Sep 7, 11:54 AM
Granted, everything in here is a gross exageration intended to spark thought and conversation. If the shoe fits, people can wear it, if not t’s’all good. And if some people who should wear it don’t, at least I tried.
Black America has its own responsibilities. But no matter how snarky, I try to principally kvetch at my own kind. That’s just good manners.
— Sach Sep 7, 12:01 PM
Haha at the post and at the reply.
DJ, gangsta rap isn’t one of the major problems facing the world (or specifically black people) today. It certainly shouldn’t be listed twice on your list of black people fuck-ups. Sure, it can be viewed as indicative of bigger social fuck-ups that both black and white contribute to.
How many black people should bear the burden for your moral/aesthetic problem with negative rap? Do you know how small the percentage of people making the music you hear is?
And that’s related to your other point, I’m a first generation American but really whose ancestors did what is somewhat besides the point. Sure it was likely a very small percentage of the families of the white people running around today. But we’re all still enjoying the benefits disproportionately, even those of us whose families just came over here.
Hey at least no one is trying to pin gangsta rap on us!
— Rafi Sep 7, 02:38 PM
This post should be taken 100% seriously and subjected to all kinds of deconstructive analysis for days.
— R.H.S. Sep 7, 04:14 PM
You can add fergie ferg to that list. Bitch gets the bozack today @
http://www.bozacknation.com/blog.html
— bk Sep 7, 06:11 PM
They only people that have the power to give black people reparations are: The Free Masonry, The Vatican
They started the shit and they still control the USA and Europe.
Those are the only white people that have the power to grant that. Stop pinning slavery on anyone white. In case you haven’t noticed, which apparently you haven’t yet, we’re all enslaved to this day. Point the finger at 1% of the population, because if you don’t, you’re just helping they’re cause with ignorance. They feed off that shit.
— truseek Sep 7, 07:06 PM
^Cuckoo
— R.H.S. Sep 7, 09:19 PM
crackers need to quit making self hating blog posts.
just kidding. that’d put me out of a job.
— noz Sep 7, 10:38 PM
I disagree, I think the messages in modern hip hop really do negatively affect black youth. It’s just one example though, my point is everyone has a responsibility to try to make the world a better place.
looking at the audience on a whole, there have been studies showing the negative affects on teenagers concerning the promiscuity being preached to them from all manners of pop music – you can say all day that art is art and people make their own choices, but messages can be very powerful, especially on young inexperienced minds.
— DJ Mad Wax Sep 8, 01:19 PM
If “all manners” of pop music cause young people to be promiscuous (I’m doubtful on this one) than why would it matter whether or not they listened to “positive” or “Negative rap? Your notions are outdated, absurd, and have nary a shred of scientific evidence. Sounds like a steaming pile of christian youth group shit to me.
— R.H.S. Sep 8, 01:55 PM
how’d you get to hating on Christians so quick jackass? :) my religious beliefs have nothing to do with my opinion on the affect of music on youth.
I’ve performed and mixed tons of promiscious records in my day. does that mean I think my kid, for example should be listening to my 2 Live Crew megamix?
let me ask you this: do you think that music has no affect on young teens? do you think they’re mature enough to distinguish between fantasty and reality? c’mon dog – dont be a dummy
— DJ Mad Wax Sep 8, 05:06 PM
This is genius. Seriously. I don’t care what everyone else says. To paraphrase what one man once eloquently said, it might not be perfect, but it’s about 99 percent.
— Jeff Sep 8, 05:35 PM
does it make extra vintage if i’m old enough to have done my own coke in the 80’s? not saying i did or i didn’t but i most certainly was around to see it happen?
does it apply if i’m not a cracker?
what if i wanna wear an extra medium for life just cuz i’m a wanna be hipster imitating a poor person who can’t afford to be a shirt that fits.
i over posted, my apologies!
— miss ahmad Sep 10, 08:03 PM
Amen on point 6! I couldn’t agree more.
— Kujo Sep 10, 09:31 PM
this sh*t is important, mostly right on and needs to be read by as many white people as possible.
respect.
sake1
— sake1derful Sep 10, 11:36 PM
Whats with you loser uncle toms always blaming us white people for your lazy work ethics,your hate filled crap music,and everthing else that is your fault. All I know is you should get a life and stop the blame game.
— nabisco Sep 14, 11:28 PM
^^^
I think you misinterpreted the post. No need to bring your hate-filled life into ours though.
— David Sep 15, 01:22 AM
In all fairness, that’s not nearly as bad as the guy who read my name and thought I was from India.
— Sach Sep 15, 10:25 AM