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Arlene writes in to break down the Saturday Rock The Bells lineup · by Rafi Kam
Roller derby, viking helmets, effigy, open wounds, short drunk girl. Yep, Arlene pretty much covers all my favorite fetishes.
One look at Arlene will let you know she’s the most kick-butt Oh Word reader around. This Massachusetts native and Los Angeles resident will be flying to New York to see Rock The Bells. If this concert doesn’t deliver, you can bet Arlene will be bustin’ heads. Arlene just sent me this urgent message with a breakdown of Saturday’s options since I had selfishly overlooked day one of the concert.
Ok, since Rafi did a hilarious breakdown of the day he’s going to RTB, I decided to make one for the day I’m going. I’ll be flying a red eye from LA into NYC, landing around 6. Who knows when I’ll actually get to check into my room and take a nap so what I’m saying is Rock The Bells will be powered by Sparks. Doors open at 12, and I really don’t see any point in going before 12:20 for David Banner, so we will start there.
David Banner vs Lucky I Am
I have no idea who Lucky I Am is but its way too close to Will I Am so I’m automatically hating. David Banner is awesome and reps the dirty south so I cho-cho-choose him.
Jedi Mind Tricks vs. Blueprint
I will be running around like a damn wackaloon looking for people to drink with/make fun of/touch naughtily in the port-a-potty. Possibly all at the same time. Don’t question me. I have no time for either one of those acts. I do have time for drunken lunacy at lunch time. NEXT
Immortal Technique vs Hangar 18
To be fair I have only heart one IT song, but I do IT for a living and I’m pretty sure I don’t wanna think about work while I’m dealing with rap. If you know anything about Hangar 18 you know they are all HILARIOUS. They rap OK but they really bring the comedy right up in your face. Hangar wins!
Monch vs Grouch & Eligh
This is actually tough for me. Unless Monch wants to rap “Simon Says” over and over again I don’t know how much I care about him. I’ve seen him live before so do I really need to again? The jury is somewhat out on that mess. Paid Dues is stressing me out with the other stage. Grouch & Eligh. Really??? I’d see Grouch solo because I kind of have a little crush on him, but Eligh to me sounds like someone is raping a hippie with a large porcupine. What I will do during this set is go watch Grouch until I can’t listen to whitey sidekick anymore, grab a few hundred drinks and go watch the end of Monch. They both half win, half lose. This is the rap version of the black and white cookie episode of Seinfeld.
EPMD vs Mr Lif
If I have to explain where I’m going and why, grab your mouse cord and wrap it around your neck.
Mos Def & Talib Kweli vs Cage
I realize neither Mos nor Talib have released anything decent in forever, but the other option is Cage. Unless I can watch icon punch him in the head again I’ll be over at the main stage/beer tent. I’m not going to lie to myself and say I think this is going to be good. What I’m hoping for here is to be pleasantly surprised/so drunk I don’t give a shit
The Roots vs Brother Ali and Sage Francis
I’d like to state up front that I’ve never given Bro Ali a chance. I am not convinced at all that he is albino black man. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t like blatant ridiculousness if it’s not funny. I’ve also seen Sage about 900 times and I am not scared to admit it I haven’t liked The Roots in years. I don’t hate them, they just went way downhill and charge obscene prices for their shows. I haven’t seen them live in about 4 years so it’ll be nice to see if they still have it or not. I like live bands and rap so this shouldn’t suck too hard. I’ll probably go back and forth on this one. It depends who holds my attention the longest. Likely winner? The bar!
Cypress Hill vs Felt
I’ll go wherever Big Marv tells me to go. If you don’t know Big Marv, you haven’t lived. Just look for the HUGE Mexican laughing so loud at absolutely nothing that it makes you pee a little. I really don’t care about Cypress at all. I don’t smoke weed anymore so they’ve totally lost their appeal. I know nothing about Felt except that Murs and I don’t like each other at all. Why you ask? Because Murs is a huge dick and I am a huge cunt. Slug is ok, albeit a tad emotional. I have no desire to see either of these groups, but my friends will be at Cypress so I will too. Not because I am some kind of pantywaist follower, but because I am a good friend and there will be alcohol and hilarity happening I JUST KNOW IT.
Public Enemy vs Living Legends
Oh for the love of Christ how badly do I want to just stand near the Paid Dues stage and beat the ever loving shit out anyone not RUNNING to the main stage with my fist/a brick?? The Living Legends could be throwing hundreds from the stage and I still wouldn’t pick them over PE. This is some legendary shit happening here. Only mongoloids on their way to the short bus would stay and watch some dudes from California that no one really gives a shit about. SORRY GUYS.
After that, awesome ensues. I will hopefully not be so black out drunk that I don’t remember Wu Tang and or Rage. I will also try extremely hard to not get arrested/die in a pool of my own vomit and gin but I can’t make any promises. And I actually do know people that don’t listen to rap but are coming to this show. I want to lock them in a cage right next the Paid Dues stage all day to build up their anger, then release them right before Rage so they can bloody everyone’s soul. I’d take a punch to the crotch to make this happen.
July 28, 2007
Randall’s Island, NYC
MAIN STAGE
8:50PM – 10:10PM RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
7:20PM – 8:20PM WU-TANG CLAN
6:15PM – 7:00PM PUBLIC ENEMY
5:10PM – 5:55PM CYPRESS HILL
4:05PM – 4:50PM THE ROOTS
3:05PM – 3:50PM MOS DEF & TALIB KWELI
2:25PM – 2:50PM EPMD
1:50PM – 2:15PM PHAROAHE MONCH
1:20PM – 1:40PM IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
12:50PM – 1:10PM JEDI MIND TRICKS
12:20PM – 12:40PM DAVID BANNER
12:00 – 12:10PM SUPERNATURAL
PAID DUES STAGE
6:15PM – 7:15PM LIVING LEGENDS
5:15PM – 6:00PM FELT
4:25PM – 5:00PM SAGE FRANCIS
3:40PM – 4:15PM BROTHER ALI
3:00PM – 3:30PM CAGE
2:20PM – 2:50PM MR. LIF
1:40PM – 2:10PM GROUCH & ELIGH
1:10PM – 1:30PM HANGAR 18
12:40PM – 1:00PM BLUE PRINT
12:10PM – 12:30PM LUCKY I AM
DOORS OPEN AT 12:00PM
Comments for "Arlene writes in to break down the Saturday Rock The Bells lineup"
As a dear friend and roller derby teammate of Miss Arlene, I can attest to how much passion this woman has for the rap and hip hop musics. If you run into her at Rock the Bells please do buy her a beverage lest she cunt-punch your sorry ass. And by “cunt-punch” I mean “if you are a male person her fist will hit your genitals so hard they will become inverted within your body so as to form a vagina-like gape-hole.”
If you haven’t noticed she’s hilarious.
— Mo Vengeance Jul 26, 06:24 PM
AS much as I love scarlene …we do NOT love the same things (musically)...they call it the dirty for several reasons.
a. people there don’t bathe
b. the women “pop it” like its 100 years ago and have no self respect.
c. They drink cizerp(sp) aka codiene and strawberry soda when they don’t even have a cold.
GROSS! ALSO: I took the photos on lucky’s new album cover and I happen to think he rocks.
Westside por vida.
Scarlene watch your back at derby…you are such a hater of things that I love…you are bound to get knocked into the crowd once or twice for this one….
— Corazón Jul 26, 06:36 PM
tsk tsk..Scarlene, I’m disappointed in you. Forming such unuducated opinions about LLcrew. Eligh is a genius. Lucky was Lucky before Will was AM…..and Murs, he said to tell you that he doesn’t remember who you are and that his name isn’t pronounced with a “z”. That is all.
— Jane Dope #1/8 Jul 26, 07:16 PM
ok apparently icon punched copywright not cage
same thing if you ask me. carry on.
— arlene Jul 26, 07:23 PM
I dont know shit about any of this but I am GAY for SCARLENE
— Punk N. Da'Trunk Jul 26, 07:33 PM
funniest shit evar
— djdaze Jul 26, 08:22 PM
All I know is… this show has brought my argh back to the east coast so I love all of it!
— Kate Jul 26, 10:35 PM
I am a militant metalhead who doesn’t really listen to rap and who Arlene wishes bloody’s up some souls during Rage. First of all, bloodying is an automatic. It will happen regardless of my state of intoxication. That brings me to my second point: The only other acts I see while waiting for Rage will be ones I catch while walking back and forth from the places of alcohol. Look for me, I’ll be the redhead hold a beer in each hand.
— xina Jul 26, 11:40 PM
You silly derbettes. Only if there was a place you could roll around and fight each other at Downing Stadium. Actually, there’s the mud.
— Jay B Jul 27, 12:51 AM
Didn’t Read.
— Didn't Read Jul 27, 01:05 AM
For some crazy reason I am not going to this. Why I have no idea.
— Gabe Jul 27, 09:24 AM
this shit was funny, and LL playing the same time as PE? im pretty sure everyone will be at the PE stage. no disrespect. matter fact, the legends will probably be like fuck it, and go to watch PE too
— piff tannen Jul 27, 10:46 AM
hahaha “I’ll be the redhead hold a beer in each hand.”
jesus h what’s wrong with me?
— xina Jul 27, 11:15 AM
I used to work for this bookie. Whenever he couldn’t make a pick he’d ask his wife to make it. One time I saw this happen. He says to his wife, “Honey, I can’t decide if I like The Bears of The Dolphins this week. Who should I take?”
Her answer?
“Well, Dolphins are cute but Bears reminds me of Teddy Bears so I say Bears.”
Aww how cute right?
About as informed as this article and about as cute as losing a dime come Sunday. The Bears got slaughtered and this article is as glib and unqualified as Matt Lauer in Tom Cruiseworld.
— Nice Alternateen Get Up Though, Dummy. Jul 27, 11:59 AM
Ima tell the truth, I don’t really plan on seeing anyone on that paid dues stage. I’ve heard good thigns about Murs and Brother Ali but na I aint ova there.
— Incilin Jul 27, 04:56 PM
ive never heard that woman/football analogy before wow youre chaning my life son!
— arlene Jul 27, 05:55 PM
you are a genius. If I was there, I’d be holding your hand, ‘cept there would be a beer in it
— dia blow Jul 27, 10:12 PM
“I have no idea who Lucky I Am is but its way too close to Will I Am so I’m automatically hating.”
and
“Well, Dolphins are cute but Bears reminds me of Teddy Bears so I say Bears.”
Dude’s kind of got a point Arlene.
— Beverly Hills Jul 28, 11:44 PM
well, for the san francisco show, i think there’s only one stage. so, we don’t have to make the decision of choosing one act over another, which i guess is a bad thing when sage francis comes on.
— Ninoy Brown Jul 29, 08:42 PM
wtf is arlene?...and why do I care if she went to rock the bells?...she doesnt know hip hop anyways…another wannabe hipster…stfu.
— Mark Twain Fame Jul 30, 12:19 PM
i will officially never read oh word again after reading this womans sorry excuse for an article on rock the bells.. do me a favor – whatever you’re doing at anytime of the day (at rock the bells) please do not disgrace me with your presence.
— Rae Jul 30, 09:42 PM
“i will officially never read oh word again after reading this womans sorry excuse for an article on rock the bells.”
1. You’re lying.
2. Who gives a fuck whether you read our site?
— Rafi Jul 30, 09:46 PM
This was the worst review I have ever read. Sounds like you are just a lush that dont know crap about hip hop. You should just go back to the bar (since you like it that much) and put on some 50 Cent, you would probably give him a 10 out of 10. Stupid bitch!
— Ashley Jul 31, 01:00 PM
You should have said ja rule. Would have been more accurate.
— Arlene Jul 31, 03:28 PM
one word – hate.
no, wait more – just drank your present.
sorry. gonna throw on some fiddy cent now.
— your boss Aug 1, 12:23 AM
50 has the best interviews around.
— Rafi Aug 1, 12:32 AM
Wow, Ashley oh so totally burned you. I bet that really stings.
And don’t you have to have some kind of stupid haircut to be a wanna be hipster? Or do you just have to accuse someone of being a wanna be hipster to hide you own pathetic hipsterdom, Mr. Mark Taint.
Get a life everyone. People can have different opinions on music. I for one hate all the bands you love.
— Joetta Aug 3, 08:38 PM
All of these above mentioned acts, I’d use as ass wipes after a nasty episode of corn-filled diarrhea. Other than that, they’re useless.
— Zip it wigs! Aug 6, 11:21 AM
Wow – some people don’t know how to laugh on here. Too bad… you’ll probably die alone.
High-fives to Arlene! Yer fantastic. And funny.
— Dolce Aug 6, 08:39 PM
Sorry to be a hater, but Arlene seems to me to be a wanna be female version of Tucker Max. She’s totally bit his style of writing. The only thing missing is a story about having sexual relations with a dwarf. I love Oh Word but I have to admit I’m turned off by opinionated drunks.
— Bace Aug 12, 06:30 PM
Obviously you’ve never listened to Eligh because you certainly not recognizing musical genius. Living Legends, Lucky I AM, and Eligh are all better than raping a hippie with a large porcupine.
— Alex M Vaile Aug 18, 04:25 AM
Ya. You are a cunt.
— Duchess Aug 23, 02:32 PM
And “Bace” can suck it.
— Duchess Aug 23, 02:35 PM