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Sep 07, 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Osama Bin Laden enters race for #1 Billboard spot! · by Sach O


The Pashtun outlands, Pakistan

In a shocking turn of events that’s sure to rock the recording industry to its very core, the highly reclusive Osama Bin Laden has announced that he’s coming out of retirement and will challenge 50 Cent and Kanye West for the #1 Billboard spot on September 11th. This surprise return to recording by Osama Bin Laden immediately set news outlets on fire (literally) with every reporter in the world speculating on the content of the newest “Bin Laden tape”. In a rare sit-down interview with the original “9/11 mastermind”, Ohword was able to find out more about this long awaited release as Bin Laden went on record about his art, his life and why Al Qaeda still ain’t nothing to fuck with.


Osama in the studio

“The game’s been real weak younkowhatImsayin? I was enjoying my little vacay but all this talk I hear about terrorism being dead? Shit, I had to come back and slap fire out of these punks’ mouths and show em how it’s done, Inch Allah.”

The iconic Bin Laden claims he felt disrespected that 50 Cent and Kanye would try to steal “his day” to release their newest albums, opining that he was the one responsible for making 9/11 such a historic date.

“It was me and Jay, homie. 6 years ago, it was on and poppin and we dropped some serious life changing material, stuff that really affects you in your soul and changes the way you look at the world. I still listen to the Blueprint to this day and you KNOW cats is still feeling my shit. These new ringtone rappers…I don’t see them building on that and to just go and steal our day…it feels like disrespect my man. Straight up and down, God will punish their decadent souls.”

Recorded during top secret sessions in Atlanta, Miami and Islamabad, Bin Laden assembled a top notch crew of producers and musicians to realize his vision for the next great leap in recording.


Bin Laden and Omarion pose for a rare photo op

“I needed some next shit. I can’t keep coming back with the same steez. The industry is hurting right now with downloading and security around tall buildings n’ airports being up. I just had to go back to the lab and dig deep to find the essence of what we do. Then, when I was ready I made a list of people I wanted and (manager) Abu made it happen. It was all very natural.

“I got Polow da Don and Omarion on there. Polow just came with that PIFF! Some real high energy tracks for the club! Danjahandz gave me a banger, he works with Timbaland. I also got this remake of Juicy on there where we sampled Biggie. You can guess which lines. I was in Miami with J.R Rotem and the Bacardi was flowing, the infidels were dancing and the vibe felt right (may their souls burn in a thousand hells). It’s a hot track.”

Conspicuously absent is Bin Laden’s original Al Qaeda crew. For years, rumors have floated that not all was well in the camp and that Bin Laden had become disconnected from his crew. When asked for comment, a frustrated Osama was quick to dispel the rumors.


The cover of Al Qaeda’s iconic first album released at the height of the early 90’s

“Al Qaeda ain’t nothing to fuck with youknowwhatimsayin? We’re all out doing our little solo Jihads right now but when it comes time to connect it’s going to be ON. I just spoke to Al Zawahiri and Mullah Omar and once I’m done with the promotional run for my album, we’re going to hit the studio. I want to call the album “Return of the Prophets” and really take it back to that oldschool vibe, straight up car bombing military bases and embassies. Maybe get Brand Nubian on a track cuz we’re all Gods.”

Still, the loss of key members weighed heavy on Bin Laden’s mind.

“I cried when I heard Al-Zarqawi died. It was such a senseless act. You know every day us terrorists have to watch our backs for the cops, stick up kids, haters…it’s got to cease. I’ve got a track on my album dedicated to that kid called “Life goes on (72 Virgins)” with Wyclef on the beat, Justin Timberlake on the hook and Talib Kweli dropping a real conscious verse. I just want the world to remember him for who he was and to realize that life is precious.”

Though Al Qaeda isn’t featured on any tracks and the style is updated, Bin Laden remains enthusiastic that fans will accept the new, more uptempo record.

“I had to have my Lil Wayne drop. That guy is AMAZING, I texted him and he told me to send him the track, 30 minutes later he sent it back with this NASTY verse! I got Akon and T.I on the remix to my first single “Still Dropping Bombs”, that’s already got 500 spins on the radio. It feels good to have that kind of success 6 years later because this industry is cut throat and if you’re not out there like that, the fans forget about you. That’s why I had to come with this new sound, I mean a couple of cats up north might give me some static but to me, I’ve been there and done that. I’ve already made my NY Anthem and right now, the South’s hot so that’s where I’m at. Plus I still have my Just Blaze banger just in case people want to front.

In the end, Bin Laden reflected on his accomplishments and how his newest recording fits into his legacy:

“You know, I knock 50 and Kanye but I think they’re alright. They’re just starting. But with me, I remember being up in the clubs in the 70’s and out grinding in the streets in the 80’s so it’s all old to me. I just had to come back and solidify some things just so people remember who started this terror shit. Come September 11th, people will have to recognize the architect of this shit. No seriously, avoid tall buildings and planes.”

“Oh, and FUCK Kenny Chesney.”

Comments for "EXCLUSIVE: Osama Bin Laden enters race for #1 Billboard spot!"

  1. roflcopter. Great post.


    B. Ware tha Siniq    Sep 7, 12:43 PM   
  2. yo, it leaked early:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070907/ts_nm/security_binladen_tape_dc

    goes to rapidshare


    eskay    Sep 7, 12:44 PM   
  3. wow, that was funny. You have to be up on your hip-hop news to even understand half the jokes in there.


    Hashim Warren    Sep 7, 12:44 PM   
  4. *ghostrides the hearse *

    fuckin amazing… you shoulda used that pic with tupac too… that woulda been extra


    nation    Sep 7, 01:12 PM   
  5. holy shit that was hilarious

    but what’s with the polow da don caption under the omarion pic? did i miss some news lately? i thought i was pretty up-to-date on my “king of all white girls” news


    bigperm    Sep 7, 01:16 PM   
  6. My bad on that one. Fixed.

    In my defense, I don’t feel bad in the slightest that I don’t know what Omarion (or Polow) look like.


    Sach    Sep 7, 01:19 PM   
  7. thanks for making me feel bad that i know what omarion looks like :/

    this ringtone hustle is f’in wit my blog cred. dammit

    keep up the great work, though. “al qaeda ain’t nuthin to fuck wit” has a nice ring to it, no?


    bigperm    Sep 7, 01:25 PM   
  8. I threw you guys on my blogger roll

    Can I be thrown on your site// Blog roll

    I put you as

    * o The Funniest Hip-hop blog EVER...

    Blog at WordPress.com.

    * o The Funniest Hip-hop blog EVER...

    Blog at WordPress.com.

    As the funniest hip-hop blog ever

    www.somethinglikearapper.wordpress.com


    Jimmy Valentime    Sep 7, 01:32 PM   
  9. sorry about the mike jones shyt …. my computer acted up


    Jimmy Valentime    Sep 7, 01:42 PM   
  10. I love it. LOL


    Mav    Sep 7, 01:51 PM   
  11. This ranks up there with the Lil Wayne Carter 4: I’m on Everything Mixtape.
    Too bad I’m at work or else I’d be dying now.


    DennLive    Sep 7, 02:13 PM   
  12. Damn, That just made my day.


    Stone    Sep 7, 03:32 PM   
  13. Oh, that was hilarious. Great post.


    DSuper    Sep 7, 03:34 PM   
  14. funniest post of the week…


    MaxineTruth    Sep 7, 05:06 PM   
  15. I am anything but a patriotic nationalist so please dont get it twisted.
    I didnt find this funny. For one reason, it just wasnt funny. Maybe I missed the bus on this one but no laughs here. Seemed like fill in the blanks comedy to me. I know you can do it better next time. One love.


    Jay B    Sep 7, 09:27 PM   
  16. I dunno Jay B, fair play if you don’t find this post funny, but I was reading this in class today and had to stop myself from falling out of my lecture seat laughing!

    CLASSIC!


    Renato Pagnani    Sep 7, 10:08 PM   
  17. hilarious


    the wrist    Sep 8, 04:42 AM   
  18. classic. seriously. the pic of him and O topped it off.


    benhameen    Sep 8, 06:19 AM   
  19. Yea, I love how Osama is going for a new sound on this album. This shit had me in tears, classic post.


    Hussle Crowe    Sep 8, 02:27 PM   
  20. To Osama Bin Laden,

    Who is this uncircumcised Saudi, that he should defy the armies of the living God?

    This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you. And this day I will give the carcasses of the camp of the Talibans/Al-Qaeda to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. Then all this assembly shall know that the LORD does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give you into our hands.

    David


    David    Sep 8, 07:53 PM   
  21. Jew.


    Spick Rick    Sep 8, 10:04 PM   
  22. Bravo.


    mountain dewey evans    Sep 9, 12:41 AM   
  23. I didnt know Questlove was in Al Queda.


    The Ghost of Eazy E    Sep 9, 02:57 AM   
  24. sach o, will u marry me?


    jshep    Sep 9, 10:08 AM   
  25. http://www.zshare.net/audio/345921120440ce/
    listen to this track^

    also, on the sun glasses picture you shoulda written “jihad soulja boy” in white marker.


    t-bo    Sep 9, 12:51 PM   
  26. This shit was the bomb!


    Dallas    Sep 10, 06:27 PM   
  27. Yo, I’m playing that Jim Jones / Osama freestyle right now. It’s called ‘We Fly High, And Then We Crash Into Your House’

    Straight up fireworks niggas!


    Dallas    Sep 10, 06:30 PM   
  28. Absolutely hilarious. I’d buy that over Curtis any day, you’d know it would at least have a bunch of “bomb” tracks on it (corny i know lol)


    Woof The Phonocator    Sep 11, 10:03 AM   
  29. Osama Bin Laden is both one of the CIA’s most wanted men and a

    hero to many young people in the Arab world.
    Bin Laden was born in Saudi Arabia around 1957 to a father of

    Yemeni origins and a Syrian mother.
    Please visit for more detail
    http://desidirectory.com/desi-indian-blogs/


    rishi    Jan 23, 12:57 AM   
  30. Absolutely hilarious.

    www.casualpal.com


    sasa    Jan 23, 11:32 PM   
  31. lol sampled biggie verse
    “blow up like the world trade,bomb center.”


    Allah    Jun 8, 12:34 PM