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Nov 15, 2007

An Open Letter to my Ipod · by Lady Chavez

Dear Ipod,

It’s been five long, panic-inducing days with the radio since you’ve been gone.

Last time I saw you, K-Ci and JoJo were crooning from that flashing dog you were attached to, while I was getting busy like I did as a teen when that 2nd Jodeci tape came out. Now I’m “feenin” for your swift return before T-Pain and DJ “We The Best!” Khaled drive me to drankin’. Alicia has gotten whiny and Mary J is…well, yawn.

I ride around in the company car, trying to light on one single good song I can bob my head to while I’m giving road dome….I mean driving. Was it that awkward Hall and Oates (AKA Holland Oats) phase I went through just recently that turned you away? I promise to never play them again or that annoying “Gasolina” song that I downloaded post-club and irrational at the crib that night. I hope it wasn’t the M.I.A. I rocked because it got good reviews, only to realize I was just perpetrating as a raver and have never actually done any psychedelics.

I certainly did you no favors by spilling Banana Red MD 20/20 on you that time and leaving you on the Jetta’s roof for you to fly off and be trampled on by Church Street tranny feet until I rescued you.

I want you to know you’re lucky ‘cause I almost traded you in for a younger, thinner, model today but then the flashback lunch came on the local hip hop station and saved your silver ass! You should thank Gangstarr and KRS next time you see them…and Akinyele too! (remember that?).

I can’t promise I will wait around for you to find your way back to these arms of mine, the same arms that held you at your infancy and cultivated you into any other white’s girl’s musical nightmare to include NWA, 2 Live Crew and Wesley Willis.

I gave it all up for you, Ipod. I sold Dead Prez and Geto Boys for you at my spring yard sale. I made vintage inspired CD coasters out of Slick Rick and Digable Planets and sold them at that craft show. I did this all for you, so you could avoid a life of “my daddy didn’t tuck me in” type shit at the hands of some emo kid.

I know I still have all my songs on the computer but damnit if I don’t have to hand the ass out like King James’ Bibles to score a new you.

Sick of Top 40,
Lady Chavez

Lady Chavez is the blogging alter ego of a used-up mother from VA who stays up drinking cheap, red, jugged wine and posing as the authority on all things, independent, urban and homo thuggish.

More at Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl

Comments for "An Open Letter to my Ipod"

  1. Gotta give Lady Chavez some props on the love of the Ipod, but more importantly the appreciation of a modern day oldy-but-goody bump and grind classic from the Jodeci crew. Oh yeah, head bobbin on some road dome is another classic that should never go out of style. Holla!


    — Mr. Mizzike    Nov 15, 12:39 PM   

  2. Dang, a whole series of good posts on here.


    — David    Nov 15, 01:39 PM   

  3. very well put…diggin on your other blog site with that fluff girl…


    — Shae    Nov 15, 02:05 PM   

  4. Nice piece. LC is a good writer/blogger with a better sense of humor than a lot of my friends. I’m always excited to see what her and Fluff come out with next. Funny shit about me trying to drive while gettin road dome, I’m either pushin it at like 110 or going a nice steady 6 mph, there’s not much middle ground.


    — Clifton Santiago III    Nov 16, 08:50 PM