Money, Cash, 'Ros. The Newsweek Rejected Joke File.

Nov 16, 2007

Money, Cash, 'Ros. The Newsweek Rejected Joke File. · by Rafi Kam

I got this email a little over a week ago from a Newsweek reporter. She was doing a story on the demise of the dollar, specifically using the fact that Jay-Z is flashing Euros instead of dollars in the “Blue Magic” video as the indicator that we’re in trouble. She wanted to know if Oh Word could provide some humorous commentary on the topic.

This troubled me at first, particularly because I misread Newsweek for Newsday. The Long Island based newspaper – the home of Jimmy Breslin and Ray Barone – was getting into frivolous hip-hop commentary? “Is this what newspapers have come to?” I asked the reporter. Is imitating the shtick of Oh Word going to play in Central Islip, or for the longshoremen on the Sound? Maybe a crackhead from Hempstead would appreciate it but that’s about it.

But okay, I accepted that general magazines like Newsweek are entitled to their tenuous stories. Besides, here was a chance to riff on a random news item as if I was one of the commenters on “Best Week Ever.” And lets face it, that is every blogger’s dream job.

A Google search for the video with the Euros, showed me that this topic had already been mined by a local paper in Minnesota. The Jay-Z indicator of a weak dollar has also appeared twice this week from Bloomberg. With all these reporters feeling Jay-Z is sending them coded financial messages, I wonder truly what’s today’s mathematics.

Anyway, it was time to do our thing. I asked her if they’d be interested in an agent b graphic and they were open to the possibility. I spoke to b and we quickly went to work.

Ultimately, my name made the brief article but none of the jokes or graphics did. Oh well, that’s show biz for you.

There’s no sense in our efforts going to waste though so here’s what we sent Newsweek – the funny stuff anyway. I’m leaving out the critical commentary I gave to the lame question about the role of money in mainstream hip-hop.

(click for larger version)

Jay-Z really is way ahead in the game – people could learn a lot from his growth as both an artist and a businessman and a brand. As he says – he’s not a businessman … he’s a business, maaan.

Jay’s so way ahead of the curve always. He started people on Cristal, then when Cristal’s president said some shady stuff he got people off Cristal. Then he started older rap fans dressing “young and sexy”, so we have him to thank for 30 year olds like myself no longer tripping on our baggy pants and throwback jerseys.

He was way ahead of the curve on foreign currency too.

There’s a classic line on his first album “I kept feeding her money til her shit started to make sense.” The original line was “I kept giving her pounds till she started to make pence” but the people weren’t ready to hear that kind of dour forecasting. So he dumbed down his lyrics to double his yen.

Freakonomics has discussed at length the low wages earned by players in the crack game, yet Jay-Z talks about how he’s been financially set from hustling in the 80s – you can’t get that without masterful knowledge of international finance. Before the Berlin Wall fell Jay-Z was crazy straight… he’s still spending Deutsche Marks from ’88.

The Deutsche Mark line source material is from “Dead Presidents II” from Jay’s 1996 debut:

“I dabbled in crazy weight without rap, I was crazy straight
I’m still spendin money from eighty-eight”

That song also had a sample of Nas on the hook saying “I’m out for [dead] presidents to represent me” but these days I think most presidents would be out for Jay-Z to represent them.

Euro notes don’t even have presidents on them – they have examples of European architecture. Which makes you wonder about the next generation of hip-hop slang. “I’m stacking rotundas, kid!”

Or since the architecture gets increasingly modern as the denominations grow, we might soon hear: “Your money-roll is straight Romanesque, mine is Antoni Gaudi. Hov keeps the lines straight, never gaudy.”

Of course Jay-Z is using Euros instead of dollars! He’s very aware of what has the most value, regardless of where it comes from in the world. Jigga imports the finest performing automobiles from Germany, the most exquisite Champagnes of France and the drunkest chanteuses directly from England.

Comments for "Money, Cash, 'Ros. The Newsweek Rejected Joke File."

i love it. lol

— khal Nov 16, 10:37 AM
wow, where the hell is newsweek’s copyeditor?

— g Nov 16, 11:19 AM
LOL, man I actually saw that mention last night as I was looking @ Newsweek. Good shit man. Too bad they didn’t take the above entry into more serious consideration…but then again, it prolly would’ve went right past the majority of their readers.

— Gotty™ Nov 16, 11:50 AM
Ha I definitely didn’t think they’d use more than a line from it but was just giving her a list of jokes to cherry-pick from.

For what it’s worth, they did give us props on the graphic.

Oh well, no big deal.

— rafi Nov 16, 01:01 PM
yes, the gums are just right

— Lady Chavez and Fluffgirl Nov 16, 01:08 PM
Spine got a link to a BBC News story on the same topic:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7097736.stm

— ian Nov 16, 01:18 PM
For the record, you’ve got at least two readers on Long Island, and neither of us are Hempstead based crackheads. Hmph.

— amye Nov 16, 01:54 PM
Haha. I have no gripe with Long Island.

Ok, growing up in Brooklyn, I was taught by my older sister to hate Long Island for no particular reason but I’ve come around.

And I hear Long Island will play a huge role in RHS’ new project. Long Island rappers got space rap on lock.

I was merely wondering if we’re relevant to your typical Newsday reader.

— rafi Nov 16, 02:02 PM
Strong Island gets ‘nuff love here at OhWord. I was just bumpin’ some Hard 2 Obtain b-sides, that prior to the internet, were quite hard to obtain.

— R.H.S. Nov 16, 02:05 PM
On July 30th of this year, Glenn Gamboa wrote a review of Rock The Bells for Newsday. I tried to find the link, but access to the archives costs dollars. He came off worse than a new-jack collegiate messageboarder when he called Pharaohe Monch an up-and-coming MC and gave the typical media pinhole analysis for rap music.
No matter how many eyes would have glazed over that agent b-Jay Z graphic up there, it would have fresh to see it in Newsweek.

— Jay B Nov 16, 03:29 PM
Let’s hear it for not letting good material go unseen.

— sankofa Nov 17, 11:05 AM
Ye’s been out in Europe spendin’ euros as well…roc-la-familia stays ahead of the currency game.

— enigmatik Nov 17, 04:38 PM
Hilarious.

Next thing you know Jay might be out for Dead Prime Ministers to represent him.

— Jeff Nov 18, 03:30 PM
funny shit, but whats with knocking long island, home of the greats, de la soul, rakim, epmd, busta rhymes(that boy si from uniondale, dont let em tell u otherwise), prodigy, method man and mad other rappers, wtf

— nick Nov 18, 10:19 PM
Nobody was dissing Strong Island, fam. He was making a joke based on an old Phife lyric. Enough with this loopy fiasco.

— R.H.S. Nov 19, 02:20 AM
Your commentary was hilarious. That should’ve been the Newsweek article, no matter how it would’ve went past their typical reader.

I’m still laughing at “I’m stacking rotundas, kid!” Now that’s taking flossing to another level.

— Perttu Nov 19, 04:54 AM
i know phife dawgs line off m.m, i was just saying its sounded condescending.

— nick Nov 19, 06:32 PM
Sure, it was condescending kind of. I do actually like both Jimmy Breslin and Ray Barone (recognizing that both may be fictional characters).

But the line was about pondering the likelihood of Newsday / Oh Word audience overlap.

So the condescension was aimed squarely at those who get their news from print tabloids. And by the way, coming from NY Post country (working-class, xenophobic Canarsie, Brooklyn of the 80s) I have to admit that this group occasionally includes me.

I think a certain error of logic is happening here… Although nearly all regular Newsday readers are Long Islanders. Not all Long Islanders are regular Newsday readers.

End of story, son?

— rafi Nov 19, 06:43 PM
lol, end of story, i actually remember reading that articke when searching for reviews of rock the bells,which i was at, and remembered how stupid the guy sounded. Especially when he mentioned monch as an up and comer, but growing up in between queens and l.i i was able to see hip hop at its best, although one area always seemed to never be given its props to me.

— nick Nov 19, 10:51 PM
None of that was funny… oh well.

— Tray Nov 19, 11:42 PM