The Main Ingredient: Cooking With agent b

Nov 20, 2007

The Main Ingredient: Cooking With agent b · by agent b

It’s no surprise that I’m a huge Japanophile, from my penchant for giant robots to my unwavering love for video games. But while I tend to keep my creativity on the canvas, it’s nice to flex the technique in the kitchen after a long day and cook up some unique recipes. Here’s two Japan inspired masterpieces you can get busy with:

Fly Honey Dip Half Japanishi Pork Tonkatsu

The pure honey dipping sauce adds a southern touch to this Japanese classic, like DJ Krush beat juggling Outkast records. Swap out the swine for chicken cutlets if you don’t want pork on your fork.

Serves 4.

Ingredients:

4 pork cutlets

5 tablespoons of flour

Salt and pepper

2 cups of homemade or store bought bread crumbs

2 eggs, lightly beaten

Vegetable Oil

Lemon wedge

Pure honey or honey barbecue sauce

1) Lay out your pork cutlets on a cutting board or sanitary counter top and bang them shits with a spiked bat until they are flat and thin. Cut a few slight lacerations across them and season each side with a little salt and pepper.

2) Clean the coke out your Pyrex stirs and use one for the flour, one for the lightly beaten eggs and one for the bread crumbs. Coat each cutlet lightly in the flour, dip them into the egg and then finally into the bread crumbs. Make sure to coat both sides evenly with everything. Let them sit and chill for a minute.

3) In a large saucepan, heat enough vegetable oil to just cover the breaded cutlets, usually about an inch or two. After a few minutes, drop a bread crumb into the oil to see if it’s ready. If the bread crumb sinks, the oil isn’t hot enough. If it floats at the top, it’s too hot and is probably a witch. If it hits the bottom and slowly rises, the oil temperature is perfect and you’re ready to rock. Place the cutlets in the oil and deep fry them, two at a time, until they are golden orange brown (about 6 minutes, making sure to turn them over here and there every few minutes).

4) Throw the cutlets on to some paper towels to drain them and cut them diagonally into 1 inch strips. Squeeze a little lemon on them and arrange them as if they were uncut. Serve with pure honey or honey barbecue dipping sauce on the side and wash it down with a tall glass of Sapporo.

Bonus beat: Try crushed Cheez-Its as the bread crumbs and go get that cheddar.

Applebum Ether Beef Teriyaki

Stunt like an elegant restaurant chef with this aromatic masterpiece that adds a spicy apple bottom to a powerful steak dinner. Ladies will love you for it.

Serves 4.

Ingredients:

4 sirloin steaks

Salt

Fresh ground pepper

Paprika

Vegetable Oil

6 tablespoons of grated apple

Teriyaki sauce:

1 cup of soy sauce

1 cup of sake

½ cup of mirin

1/3rd cup of sugar

Or just buy a pre-made bottle of it since who the fuck has mirin lookin’ fancy in the pantry?

1) Start with a saucepan and heat the sauce over medium heat. If you wanna make the teriyaki from scratch (which I recommend since it’s iller than any bottled stuff), mix the soy sauce, sake, mirin and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat and stir it until the sugar dissolves, then remove the pan from the heat. Most liquor stores sell sake and your local asian market or uppity metrosexual gourmet food store should carry the mirin.

2) Season the steaks with some salt, fresh ground pepper and paprika for a little kick. Put them aside for 5 minutes or so, and heat a little oil in a frying pan. Add the steaks one or two at a time and fry them until both sides are brown.

3) Pour the teriyaki sauce on the steaks so they’re evenly covered and lampin’ in flavor. Add the grated apple and cook the steaks until the sauce bubbles up and gives the steaks a glazed look. Put them on a plate, pour the rest of the teriyaki sauce over them and serve ‘em up immediately if not soon. Serve with rice or vegetables on the side. Now’s a good time to finish off that bottle of sake with some shots.

Comments for "The Main Ingredient: Cooking With agent b"

yo these look good. my ghetto-gourmet ass might need to hop on summa deez.

— khal Nov 20, 12:02 PM
Would have been funnier if you had mixed U-God and/or Wu-Tang lyrics with dish names. Eighteen Carat Rap Soba Noodles

— gandalf mantooth Nov 20, 01:17 PM
::tumbleweeds::

— R.H.S. Nov 20, 01:27 PM
::funnierthanyou::

— gandalf mantooth Nov 20, 02:07 PM
Oh ok

— R.H.S. Nov 20, 02:24 PM
Looking forward to giving these a shot. But a cheez-its for Panko swap? Does that really turn out?

— Dave C. Nov 20, 03:00 PM
i was pretty sure “honey dip” and “half japanishi” were enough RZA references to satiate my quota. and yeah Dave, it works surprisingly well, although probably better with chicken.

— agent b Nov 20, 03:15 PM
shit looks dope, i might try to cook one of these jawns tonight

— piff Nov 20, 03:43 PM
Yeah, but honey dip was too general, coulda been anyone. All good tho. I’m a unagi-don fan myself.

— gandalf mantooth Nov 20, 04:36 PM
You folks are really stepping up productivity here. I’m going to show these 2 recipes to my wife. BAM!

— Jay B Nov 20, 05:10 PM
B, I cooked the steak for my parents last night and that shit killed.
Absolutely delicious.
Thanks for the recipe, man.
Tastes great with some pan grilled mushrooms and onions too.

— AaronM Dec 23, 02:13 PM