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Another year older, another year supposedly wiser.
2006 wasn’t a great year for hip-hop but brother Raekwon saith “it is what it is”.
We have some new categories this year and some familiar ones.
Also make sure to visit our post wrapping up the best of our own material in 2006.
Ok, without further ado, lets jump right in…..
We’ve been fantasizing about her from her bodysuit “Push It” days to her poom-poom shorts stint circa “Shoop” and even in elegant middle-aged motherhood this ‘round the way girl from Queens and female rap pioneer can get it.
Monie was all Brit-accented class and nubile allure on the remix of “Buddy” in ’89 and managed to make feminism sound sexy on “Ladies First.” Nowadays she is a proud, fine-ass mother who schools capricious new jack Southern rappers on the radio. In other words: bonafide wifey material.
One of the few cuties to look especially fly with her hair crimped, and bold enough to rock the long-outdated style over fifteen years later. Been diggin’ on this honeydip since she went by the name Isis and rolled with X-Clan.
This angelic voiced rhymer and 1/3 of Digable Planets was never too boho, representing lovely for fly educated b-girls worldwide. She can currently be seen outshining today’s glammed-up video vixens/industry jump-offs in Snoop’s video “Candy.”
Back in the day she got lost in the woods with De La and enticed us randy rakes with reverse psychology by telling we couldn’t knock da boots.
Without trying to be sexy, this 4’11” tenderoni stays pursuing her rap career and still looks good in a little white dress. Shortie No Mas is heaven to the ears and extra easy on the eyes.
Rapper Solja might be just another nonsensical ponytailed space rapper posturing in front of a decently maintained brick wall for effect in his native Canada, but down here in the States his excessive use of bizarre onomatopoeia is the kind of behavior that can get one clapped. OK, maybe not, but your laughter will turn to homicidal rage within thirty seconds of his rhyme.
This kid insists that some barber named Ceasar, presumably the one filming this dreck, is “gay,” but not surprisingly manages to accentuate every aspect of gayness that permeates his whole steez, including his own remarkably gay caesar haircut. If that’s not bad enough, he rhymes over one of the most maligned beats in recent history and attempts to freestyle his way through a phone call. Enjoy.
Alize, bandannas, spliffs, and a Chi-Ali reference? Sounds good in theory but these unwelcome house party guests couldn’t rap their way out of a wet paper bag if they were holding chainsaws and they look about as threatening as your average Boston Public extras.
This appears to be a contest entry of some sort, or so this enterprising young businessman would have you believe. Well, if it’s a contest to see which suburban pubescent mustachioed C-minus student can film a laughably amateurish barely rhyming acapella freestyle while rocking a black wifebeater and a white fitted cap then he’s a shoe-in. Notice how beautifully his ending line fulfills GZA’s “Protekt Ya Neck” prophecies of half-baked notions to blow up scrubs.
Just watch it and enjoy.
Jeezy Beezy is madsy sadsy because Monie Monie agrees with Nas that hiphop is dead.
Sure, Nas’s vague, contradictory, mostly irrelevant contentions are barely worth debating but Monie’s mini-ethering of the Snowman makes for great internet.
In a nod to Pee-Wee Herman, Southern rap responds “I know you are, but what am I?”
Young Buck was unavailable for comment.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch Jeezy! Nor your Soundscans before Def Jam buys its share.
Whatever happened to “I don’t want niggas soundin’ like me on no album”?
10 because we couldn’t fit them all in a Top 5.
Listed in chronological order. We’re not sick enough to rank them by quality (this year).
Just how low do you have to sink to necessitate expulsion from the Terror Squad?
Off-beat, whiny voiced, West Coast underground rapping backed by the man best known for working with MhZ? Remember, you’re only as good as your last hit.
Two words: Motorcycle Dance.
Not that we mind, but this girl probably killed any chance of Grime blowing up ever. As if the internet needed another reason to diss British rap.
There’s a reason most crew members only release one solo album.
He went from Gangsta to Islam to the dick of Kanye West. And then, contrary to popular blogosphere tendency, we sent him straight to the trash bin. Twice. No regrets.
Take a hint from Slick Rick: don’t hastily record a subpar record just before doing a bid. You shouldn’t have done it, X.
We all felt bad that MF Doom dumped and dissed your crew with minimal explanation as soon as he blew up, but triple disc releases featuring boring production and long-winded rhymes just make it harder to support you, Grimm. Midgets into Crunk indeed.
Even tousled-haired hipsters in smedium tops and girl pants refused to get excited over this quasi-rap “soundtrack” to the duo’s ostentatious movie musical. Informants tell us that half of these songs don’t even appear in the movie.
In 1995, Mobb Deep sounded like 17 year old angels of death from the projects, tortured souls whose anger and frustration at the ghetto life threatened to spill over into murder at any second, barely contained by the nihilism and cold sheen of their beats and rhymes. In 2006 they sounded like Boss Fiddy’s easily disposable flunkies on an episode of Batman.
Jean Grae, Mos Def, and Memphis Bleek, produced by 9th Wonder? Get the fuck outta here with that ol’ bullshit …
Honorable Mention: No Mariotti
The wrong jiga to fuck with.
“probably the most ironic thing about the whole shit happening was that I’m not even a titty man”
Welcome to the Panopticon
Ill Bill put the plutonium in the DeLorean and brought House of Pain and Lordz of Brooklyn back from the 1990s. Together that’s one wacky supergroup but we hear they’ve got white kids going ga-ga.
Buy it at Amazon!
Take a bath, woman!
In a just world, “Bodega” would be doing “Stylin on You” numbers.
The all-seeing eye has arrived and it turns out we’re our own Big Brother (well given the governments abuses of privacy, lets say we’re our own other Big Brother).
From Michael Richard’s breakdown to Saddam’s hanging to a whole lot of celebrity vagina, amateur video made a lot of news this year. Captured today, worldwide tomorrow. Fitting then that event 2 is…..
Somehow the French wunderkinder behind Crips vs Blood don’t see a penny of it.
High-five! Were the past 6 years worth it for those 20 brilliant minutes? Not quite.
Which indicates that public disapproval of the war in Iraq has grown at a rate exceeding conservative election-fixing ingenuity.
Sorry, it was a slow news year.